Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
