OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
