So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
