My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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