Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
