This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want nice things and good sex
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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