omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
