I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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