Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
