Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
