I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
