Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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