It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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