I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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