shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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