So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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