i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
