I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
