On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
