Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
