so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
