i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize