Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
