the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize