Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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