The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
