Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
