and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
