Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
