idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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