I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
