i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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