i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
