I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
