You're so nebulous sometimes
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
