You just made me feel so damn special
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
