my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
