Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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