imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
