saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I forget how to act sober
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