My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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