whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
