12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize