I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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