watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
