do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
