peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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