God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
