Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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