if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
