I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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