I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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