oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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