3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
