So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
