I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
