so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
two words...techno handjob
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
