I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
