There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
