so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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