have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
