She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
