my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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