Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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