So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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