yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
