Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
