I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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