your parents love me but you hate me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
