I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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