I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My cat gives me a boner
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Randomize
