she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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