a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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