The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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