no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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