Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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