drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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