my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
