My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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