So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
