I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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