If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
