Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i would rim the shit out of meg ryan

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(425): View more from Washington

ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

(206): View more from Washington

High?

(425): View more from Washington

hahahahaha turkey breast

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(251): View more from Alabama

i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"

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(561): View more from Florida

You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.

(1-302): View more from Delaware

hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.

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