remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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