if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
